How do you go from feeling
SO alive to SO dead all within days? People try to compare what I am going
through to returning from a vacation. What they don’t understand, is that I was
not on a vacation. I was living in a different reality, a reality I made for
myself on the other side of the world. A reality where my brain was constantly
on because it was going through so much change every second of every day. Sure,
my pictures look amazing on social media, with beautiful beaches, temples, and
elephants; but who puts up pictures of working, the pitfalls, the challenges,
the tears and the scared and lonely times? Vietnam was filled with both; significant
greatness and significant adversities. It was that rollercoaster that I loved. I
loved the feeling of being dirty from the pollution and sweat, having helmet
hair, crossing the street being one single struggle of life or death, never
having time to scroll through Facebook or Snapchat, waking up not knowing where
I was, not being able to process everything that happened in just a single day,
that when your body finally passes out from pure exhaustion you start jolting
in your sleep because your body is finally having its first chance to catch up
with your brain. THAT is feeling alive! THAT
IS VIETNAM!!! Just one day filled with
counter events happening around your 360 radius at all times, keeping you on,
aware, and alert constantly. Routine never becomes a part of you as each day is
always filled with new events every thirty seconds. I wasn’t on a vacation and
my time abroad was not what is painted all over Instagram and Facebook, just as
anyone’s life. Coming to Vietnam alone, and having no choice but to gain as
much as possible out of my experience, living and succeeding here quickly
turned into my reality. A reality that despite extreme challenges that a third
world country throws at you, a reality that was mine, that made me feel SO
alive all the time! I keep using this word, “reality” as I am trying to define
what it really means to others. Since I have returned to the States I can not
tell you how many people have said to me: “Katie, it’s time to get back to
reality.” I decided to look up “reality”
in the dictionary to dig further into this word.
"Reality; noun. The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them."
What do people really mean when they say this to me? My life in Vietnam was real, I wasn't making up some idealistic world and I sure as hell was not on a vacation. So, why does everyone keep telling me to get back to reality?
So, to answer your question; Yes! It is time for me to get back to reality. Vietnam is my reality and a state of actual existence. Last week, after nights and weeks of restless decision making, I decided to make the bold move and resign from my Speech Therapy job in Philadelphia, a place where I have worked for the past six years. I want my roller coaster ride of highs and lows and my brainwaves to be turned back on. Vietnam is a country filled of constant chaos just like me. I made exponential growth during my three- month journey in South East Asia, and there is still so much more opportunity out there for me to continue growing. I am not ready for that growth and progress to stop. I want more. I feel more Asia and I won't stop until I'm done.
Everyone is on their own journey. There isn't one way to live or one way to do things. I have been criticized many times for my recent decision to resign from my job to work abroad. I've got "You're out of control," "You're running away from your problems," "How are you going to do this without any money?" and even, "you sound like you're on drugs, you should really see someone." To be fair, from another's perspective I probably do sound like I'm on drugs. I get high every time I talk about or think about Asia. I was high and ON everyday for three months and it never went away for a single moment. I was high off of life, culture, my everyday surroundings, the extreme highs and lows, the remarkable friendships and bonds that I made, and my passion for teaching and traveling. Teaching English abroad and traveling is the reality that I want for myself right now, in this moment. Routine is easy and since I've returned my brain has just been off. My daily routine of living and working, I can do all without thinking. I know exactly how to get myself to work, I know where I am going to put my things down when I enter my room, sign in, turn on my light, open my computer, the list can go on and on. I'm not thinking, I'm just physically going with the routine that my brain already knows how to do for me.
I love change and I love a challenge. The Philadelphia School District was not an easy job initially. Working in a very urban environment, where my students faced so much neglect and instability was a very difficult task. This place made me strong and confident to have the ability to teach anywhere now. I will forever be grateful for that. However, my brain and body is ready for something new. My decision to leave has upset a lot of my family members. However, leaving for Vietnam is not a death sentence. It is just my new journey to lend the way for even more future opportunities. I can't say this enough; Everyone is on their own journey. This may not be the way one goes about finding change in life, but it is mine. There are so many secret doors in life to be opened, but it's up to you to find them by taking your chances. Words of advice: Do what you love, thrive from desire, and seize the day as you only get one life!
The reality is yours. Namaste with me my friends.
